Brisbane, you’ve changed. I mean, come on, it has only been a couple of years between dates but while my back is turned, you’ve gone and turned into a whole new city, flirting with other visitors and flashing your new boutique restaurants, cool craft breweries, and sexy small bars. And don’t even get me started on all those oh so sophisticated art galleries and museums.
I mean, credit where credit is due, Brisbane, you’ve worked hard while your self-involved big siblings, Sydney and Melbourne, have been resting on their flashy laurels.
While they’ve been busy pouting and posing for selfies of themselves in their metaphorical bathroom mirrors, you’ve gone and gotten fabulous… and I am one smitten kitten. Well, if we’re being honest, I’m more of a feral old cat, but you get the idea.
As if South Bank’s city beach, walking tracks, tranquil Epicurious Garden, bougainvillea flower strewn archways and the mighty Wheel of Brisbane weren’t already enough, you have to go and throw in incredible world-class cuisine?
Seriously, if you think I’m so easy that you can win me over with the Barramundi ceviche and Bundaberg Rum Small Batch infused Dry Aged Sirloin I noshed on at the roguish Charming Squire? Or the swoon-inducing, truffle-laden gnocchi and fancy pants frozen white chocolate parfait “bombe” I inhaled at riverside fine diner, Stokehouse Q... you’d be right!
Both meals were like a sucker punch straight to my heart.
And then you have to go and get all cultural? C’mon… now you’re just showing off.
I go on a backstage tour of Queensland Performing Arts Centre (QPAC) expecting to see a stage and a dressing room or two and instead I find its hallways crowded with dazzling costumes and props that are being set up for ballet performances of Woolf Works, inspired by Virginia Wolf, and an adaptation of Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale. By the Royal Ballet no less, who have just popped on over from Covent Garden to flounce about artistically on your stage.
And what kind of cheap move is trying to tempt me with massive posters of bare-chested Italians at The Queensland Museum? Do you really think I’m that shallow? OK, so I am and it worked, but that’s hardly the point. The swarthy gladiators lure me in to the museum’s latest epic exhibition, Gladiators: Heroes of the Colosseum, and then I discover that you’ve actually got actual pieces of the Colosseum on display?
Not to mention perfectly preserved mosaics, elaborate bronze gladiator helmets and original arms and armour, rescued from the ashes of Pompeii. No biggie!
Just when I think you can’t get any more cool, I go to GoMA, the Gallery of Modern Art and its latest exhibition, Marvel: Creating the Cinematic Universe. Now, I’m already in a bit of state after perving at the half naked Gladiators next door, when you throw Thor in my face. Well, not actual Thor, given he is an Ancient mythological being, but at least the actual costume sweated in by my favourite Hemsworth playing the part of my favourite bit of Asgardian crumpet?
I calm myself down looking at some Marvel artwork masterpieces, incredible sets from the upcoming Thor: Ragnarok, a couple of Ironman Costumes…
And bits and bobs from Guardians of the Galaxy… including a life-sized Groot.
But just as my blood pressure returns to normal, I spot the The Eye of Agamotto dangling ever casually over the costume worn by the thinking woman’s sex symbol/superhero, Benedict Cumberbatch, as Dr Strange. I have to physically restrain myself from licking it.
I’m sunk. But, you know what Brisbane? It’s not me, it’s YOU! All your cool, cultural cleverness is too much for me to take.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to the comfort of my spacious suite at the lovely Rydges South Bank, looking as it does over your sparkling river and super-sized Wheel, so I can focus my energy on perusing the real estate section of The Courier Mail to find out how much its going to cost me to move here.
Disclosure: I was hosted by the beautiful people at #visitsouthbank but, as always, all opinions, gorging, perving and superhero licking are my own.